Think of Me
by Jennie
Summary: The fabled marriage has dissolved, and the two players are thrown together once again in a discussion over their children’s future. AU.


**Title: **Think of Me

**Author:** Alethia/Jennie

**Timeframe: **about 10 years post ROTS

**Characters: **Anakin, Padmé

**Genre:** Drama, Angst

**Disclaimer** Star Wars and its associations are not mine and I do not claim ownership of the characters I have borrowed.

**Summary:** The fabled marriage has dissolved, and the two players are thrown together once again in a discussion over their children's future.

**Notes:** This is my Dare Challenge fic. The Challenge is from **bobill** and says:

_I dare you to write a fic in which Anakin and Padmé are both of the Light Side, but are worst enemies. At least one nonverbal fight between the two required. _

So, without further ado, I present to you:

**Think of Me**

"_Think of all the things_

_We've shared and seen-_

_Don't think about the things_

_Which might have been…"-Christine in "Think of Me" _

Sometimes, when she is alone, she allows herself to wonder.

Sometimes, when she is alone, she lets down the wall.

Sometimes, when she is alone, she reminisces.

And sometimes, when she is alone, she allows herself to fall.

Idly she flips through some datapads, waiting for the time to pass. She hates this particular period of waiting, knowing that he will soon arrive. It is the twilight before the darkness. When he is finally here, standing in front of her, she can concentrate on what brought him- their children- and how quickly she can get rid of him. The children are the light that shines through the darkness his presence brings.

Yet now…waiting for the darkness to arrive, unable to stop it…

It would be easier if she could justify her hate. Her worst enemy isn't Palpatine, betrayer of the Republic, or the old Separatists, who almost destroyed the Republic. No, it is the betrayer of her _heart_, of her family.

Her ex-husband. The man she never should have married, yet did.

How stupid she was, back then. To let her emotions and desires get away from her- to let her cool, collected, _impenetrable_ façade drop, and open her heart to a man who did not deserve it. Her only consolation is that she was young, twenty-four, naïve in the matters of the heart and simply did not know better. He had rushed in on his gallant speeder and had saved her- as well as had captured her heart.

Oh, he was young himself, barely a day over twenty. Yet he was much more…worldly than she was. A former slave, he had grown up knowing the harsh reality of the galaxy. Trained as a Jedi, yet just as at home in the Lower Levels of Coruscant, racing, drinking, doing other things…

He opened up her eyes to a whole new world.

She had been the sheltered Senator, making a name in the Galaxy, when an assassin's attempt on her life threw the two polar opposites together. It didn't help that they had known each other as children once, long ago… The embers of emotion between them were just waiting to be rekindled.

And oh, they had been rekindled…

She had fought against them at first. The invisible bonds pulling her towards him- she wouldn't, _couldn't_ let herself get ensnared. But near-death encounters have a way of lowering your defenses, and, well, he was _there_ and truly cared for her…

At least that's what she thought.

They married in secret and the war came and they were pulled apart and the marriage seemed to work. It was more a fantasy than anything else, she realized too late. When she got pregnant, the real world began to break through their little precious lie. And as the wars ended and Palpatine was exposed as a traitor, as well as their marriage exposed to not only the Jedi Council and the Senate, but to the entire Galaxy as well…

It worked for a few years. But by the end they could barely stand each other. The last months were pure torture, but they stayed together for the sake of their children. She doesn't remember whose suggestion it had originally been to divorce. But did it really matter? What's done is done. They saw the magistrate the next week, talked to their solicitors a day after that and signed the final papers the next day.

The fabled marriage of Anakin and Padmé Skywalker was no more.

All that is left is a man and woman, full of hatred at each other and twins- who are innocent of everything.

It is for her children's sake that she agreed to the meetings with Anakin. Otherwise she stays clear of the man. Whenever she has business to do with the Jedi Order, it is Obi-Wan or Master Yoda she speaks with, or possibly Master Windu. Anyone but _him_.

Yes, it is rather petty of her to hate him so much. She should forget him and move on. But she simply cannot. She sees tears in her children's eyes when he has missed another Life Day or some other festival and she wants to hunt him down. It is a mother's place to defend and provide for her children and by the Force, she will do so. Even if it means her ex-husband, the _father_ of the very children she wishes to protect, is the hated enemy.

Concentrating on her thoughts, she is caught unaware when the doors to her office open and her aide appears, along with the very subject of her musings.

Anakin is handsome- she will never be able to deny that. Hair bleached from the radiation due to working and living on star ships, tall, lean, but strong, dressed in black, the silver hilt of his lightsaber clipped onto his belt, tanned skin, bright blue eyes.

It is quite easy to see how a young woman could fall in love with such a man. And even after the divorce she had had a hard time convincing herself _not_ to love the man anymore- or at least not to lust after him. Yet now, years later, looking at him stirs none of the feelings of desire and want she used to have.

Her heart feels as cold as Hoth- and she is glad of it. She'll need that frozen power to get through the next minutes.

"Syraé, you may leave." She dismisses the aide and turns to him, standing from her chair. "Anakin. How…_pleasant_ to see you."

"Charmed, I'm sure." He grimaces at her, as he steps fully into the room.

"And what brings you here?" Her voice is disinterested. "If I recall correctly, you aren't due to pick up the children to take them to spend the weekend with you for another two weeks- although even then you seem to cancel those weekends half of the time, anyway." Her voice is now bitter. "And you wonder why the children are less than thrilled to see you. Perhaps if you spent half the time you did gallivanting across the galaxy with your children, they might be a bit more open to your presence."

A dark look passes over his face, but he does nothing. He knows as well as she does that her words are true. And of course, being a Jedi _Master_, he is not allowed to do anything more than accept her words. The golden Chosen One of the Jedi would _never_ allow himself to hate. If there is one thing she must admit- it is that Anakin Skywalker is the last person who would turn to the Dark Side.

"Padmé," he finally bites out, his eyes cold and unfeeling. "I will admit that I have made mistakes in the past-"

"_Made mistakes in the past_?" She laughs at the absurdity of it all. "Is that all you think it is? Simply a few mistakes that can easily be fixed?"

"No." With a swirl of his cloak, he comes closer. "That's not what I think at all, Padmé, but I did not come here to discuss that. There is another matter- one that you know has been coming for awhile now-"

He is a mere step away from her, so close that she could easily reach out her hand and touch him, if she so chose. Not that she ever would- but the fact that she _could_ she finds important.

They have not been that close in years.

His words, along with his presence, wash over her with dread. And suddenly she knows what he means. It is an event that she has refused to discuss, to _acknowledge_. An event she swore that would never come.

And yet here it is, in the form of Anakin.

"No," she whispers. "No, absolutely not. I will _never_ allow them-"

"It's not your choice, Padmé." He moves closer, his hand reaching out to touch her, to grab her, to force her to see it _his_ way- and the way of his blasted Order- but she won't let him. She cannot let him.

"_No_." She ducks away from his arm and backs up. "You will not take them from me-"

"They're _Jedi!_" His voice raises. "They're my children too, Padmé, and there is no denying that the Force is in their blood. They _have_ to be trained-"

And then Padmé does something very stupid.

She slaps him.

Hard, across the face, with such a force that his head whips around. _So the exalted Jedi Master didn't see _that_, did he?_ She chuckles in her mind, yet her amusement is short-lived, as he grabs her hand in his mechanical one, his digits clenching her wrist.

"Do _not_ do that again, Padmé." His eyes are cold and for the first time in her life, she is scared to be around him. In their colorful history, she as been many things in his presence- worried, wary, angry, upset and even once happy and content. But this is the first time she is physically _scared_.

_He wouldn't do anything to you, he's a Jedi Master_! Her mind reassures her- or attempts to- as his grips tightens.

"I know you do not want the twins to be trained, but there is no denying it. They are simply too powerful to go without training anymore. They _must_ be trained."

She fights against his grip and he finally releases her. Ignoring the red welts on the inside of her arm, she glares and hisses at him. "Then train them _here_, at home. I am _not_ sending them to that emotional barren Temple you call home. They are _my_ children and they are staying with _me_."

"No." His tone is lighter and she eyes him suspiciously. "Unfortunately, my dear Senator, you have no say in this matter."

"What are you _talking_ about?" She stares at him, her eyes livid.

"This." He brings out a datapad and tosses it to her. "You're welcome to read it at your leisure, but I'll summarize it for you. It's long been a law of the Republic that children are to be tested for Force-Sensitivity and, in the case of a high midichlorian count, they are accepted into the Jedi Temple. Of course, should the parents refuse, there is very little that can be done. The Jedi must go to the magistrate and prove that it is the best interests of the child to be taken and accepted into the Order."

"I know that, Anakin. I _am_ a Senator, after all." She glances through the datapad. "All of this is information I already know. You need a parent's permission-"

"Exactly." He interrupts, and she stares at him curiously before the words sink in.

"Oh, no- you didn't- you _couldn't_!" The words escape her throat without her knowledge as she stares at him in complete disbelief. "Anakin Skywalker-I-"

With her last bit of resolve and strength, she flies at him. She is a petite woman, but she has the element of surprise. She strikes him repeatedly, kicking, screeching, scratching- using whatever she can to _hurt_ him, to show him the hurt he has brought onto her.

"I can't _believe_ you- I _trusted_ you- I _hate_ you!" She screams, not caring if anyone should overhear. Why should she? She is practically dead by now. After what he has done…

Suddenly, he moves. It is too fast for her to see, but she can feel the wall pressing into her back as he pins her body with his own, her wrists in his tight grasp. His face is mere inches from her own and she looks away, unable to meet his eyes. The betrayal he has done…

"I did," he simply says. "I had to, Padmé. Everyone understands, except you. It is truly for the best. You've had them the first ten years of their life- now it's my- _our_ turn. The Jedi's turn. The magistrate was completely in favor with us, when we appeared before him. The children's own father a Jedi, wishing that his children be trained at the Temple, the mother a busy Senator who really has no time for the children herself, and has no training in the Force at all- it's for the best, Padmé. You must see that-"

"Go." She chokes out, refusing to show him anymore emotion. "Just go. Get out. _Leave_!" She screams, as he hesitates. She clamps her eyes shut as she feels him move away from her, and the swish of the door as it closes behind him.

It is only then that she allows herself to drop to the floor on her hands and knees and weep.

Tears for her children, tears for herself, tears for her past mistakes, tears for Anakin. Refusing to think 'what if', refusing to think about what could have been. Her tears are for the moment, for their mutual past; for the man she had once loved.

For her children.


End file.
